Ever feel like you are totally fucking things up? That’s how I feel today for the last however many weeks I have wanted to blog, sounds simple enough. However every time I sit down something comes up; someone needs something that only a mum can find, the other half decides to strike up an in depth conversation just as I’ve started writing, I spot a pile of washing that I feel guilty for ignoring or my monsters play with the nosiest most annoying toys they can find. (At this moment in time it’s an extremely annoying quad that makes a wer-ing noise when they push it to one another!) And the more you try to block it out the louder they will get …. Because you are ignoring them!!!!
So I’m trying to find a balance;
I’m trying to find a way that I feel sane so that I’m not failing in some area of my life.
Im trying to be a good and present mum, I want to treat the monsters to quality time, days out, adventures and things they love. Im trying to support, understand & be there for my 8 year old who has a way of making me feel like I’m never giving him enough love, attention, food, (fill in the blank!). Encouraging my 20 month old in his learning & adventures, whilst stopping him from being super brat and having major supermarket style tantrums. And just getting time to cuddle and love my new little monster princess without having to put her down, shout at another child or answer the door/phone/email or something else!
I’m trying to find ways to manage my moods (the baby is only 4 weeks and my hormones have sent me seriously over the edge and very close back to my depression) I’m trying my best to not let this impact the relationships around me, everyone tries so hard to understand but I know how messy it can seem from the outside. It’s tough to just feel consistently normal.
I’m trying to find ways to work better towards my goals and all the ideas behind my big 2016 launches. The trouble is I procrastinate a lot, get interrupted, go back, doubt myself some more, then don’t launch for the fear of failing overwhelms me.
I want to write, blog & share so much and have so many drafts incompletely here and Be You Beautiful but just getting blogs consistently written and out there seems so tough. And if I can’t do it consistently what’s the point? And if no one is reading them anyway is it really worth pursuing?
And I want a life. I want quality time with the man, where we talk and laugh and share moments like before. I want chats on the phone with friends without having to shout out something like “put your brother down” or flush the toilet and wash your hands”. I want nights out. Nights in. Family & Friends together. I want to shop for myself, by myself. Not to mention I want a nice house, that’s de-cluttered, easy to manage, and to have people in it enjoying our company.
Maybe I want too much. All sounds perfect I know but I just want these things in my life with some stability and balance. I want to achieve & share amazing things and just think some organisation & accountability in my life may make it a little more achievable. Hence this post, if I put it out there I got to do something about it.
So this week I plan to:
❤️Create and implement a family schedule.
❤️Set aside more 1to1 time for each of the monsters for bonding, fun and learning. (Side note get batteries for all the toys!)
❤️Encorporate a range of yoga, meditation and gratitude into my week.
❤️Plan the family meals, so I eat better and fuel my body more regularly (digestives for breakfast and chocolate for lunch just ain’t cutting it!)
❤️Plan a special meal for Tuesday, on the 3 year anniversary of our engagement. Hopefuly a romantic evening indoors together films, fun & laughter. (and no tantrums!)
❤️Create a plan & chorse list to support growth and fund the obsessive match attax collection for Monster1.
❤️Find more groups for my little monsters to attend locally like massage, rhymes and play. Plus a Stryder class for Monster2 and BMX for monster1.
❤️Get monster2 into a playgroup or nursery 2 mornings a week for his social skills, fun and entertainment and to give me chance to work/blog/clean/cuddle monster3.
❤️Find some other women in business to be part of an accountability group to stop me procrastinating and to offer & gain support from women working & juggling just like me!
❤️Continue the house declutter by wiping out the upstairs. Last week downstairs I achieved 14 black sacks, the recycle bin full, 2 bags to charity, one bag to weigh in and a bag of books for my nan to take to the hospital where she volunteers I want to beat that this week and clear even more! I WILL NO LOONGER HAUD SHIT!
❤️Continue to bargain hunt the monsters Christmas lists and get more shopping done.
❤️Set aside time to blog about all the above.
Haha, looking at it even I think it’s slightly too optimistic. But I got to aim somewhere and at least putting it on the World Wide Web I’m more likely to pay attention to what I’m trying to achieve.
So off I go for a Sunday of room reshuffles & tidying. The eldest has now left with Daddy to football, whilst monster2 sits in front of me playing with his Little Tikes truck happily and I’m just about to lay monster3 down after her feed, then I suppose I better aim to out of my PJs before its the afternoon and get started on this list! I’ll aim to keep you all posted!