What Got Me To This Point?
This wasn’t the post I thought I would be writing on the first day of the year, partly because I keep sharing quite emotionallay in depth posts and becauseI am not normally one for resolutions; this year however I felt different.
I spent a lot of 2016 extremely confused, overwhelmed by fear, anxiety and depression. It sucked, it really took its toll, my ability to deal with day to day situations was lacking, we had a lot of challenges too and they sent me into total meltdowns instead of trying to face or conquer anything, I ran and hid away a lot. It was only towards the 2016 that I stopped piling it all on my partner and reached out for the help needed.
I journaled my feelings, I explained as much as I could and I let professionals see it all. It was scary. I remember when they first mentioned me seeing the ‘mental health assessment team’ I cried because I thought it meant I’d be locked up, I remember when they first mentioned social services I cried some more thinking they thought I was a bad mum and would take away my beautiful children.neither of these things were true, but because I was in deeper than I ever had been before it turns out I would be getting more help. So the mental health assessment wasn’t with a team, it was with a team member, who was lovely, very reassuring and super supportive, my partner came and supported me and we shared our struggles with my illness and the day to day, how ive changed and the help I need.
Within a fortnight my assessment had been shared within the team and a plan had been put in place my medication would be upped, I would see a vocational therapist (I did this wasn’t hugely beneficial as it had been described), I will see a psychologist and a psychiatrist – once my meds have balanced out my emotions a bit more. This is all great, but it doesn’t help me now. It doesn’t help where I am at or make me feel much better and so the last month since the review I’ve been feeling my usual lost and anxious, with a big dollop of frustrated. It was shit!
I didn’t want to do this anymore, I didn’t want to be this self conscious, fearful, hobbit I’d become. So I started reading, I got a big bundle of my feel good self help books and just started reading, not the whole books, just pointers, pages, skimming old knowledge to find something new. It was fun and slowly my mood been to improve and I began utilising what I had learnt.
What Are My Resolutions?
I choose to have a fabulous day.
I choose to change for the better.
I choose to continue to find and love myself.
I choose to be kind to myself and others.
I choose to be mindful, positive and see the good.
I choose to be connected.
I choose to be Grateful.
How I Am Making Them Happen.
Talk therapies, self help books, journaling they all do one think help you connect with yourself and find what makes you feel good. I brought all what makes me feel good together on one bit of paper to organise my day. I call it My Fabulous Day. It is filled with some of the most simple things like reading, music, breakouts along with reminders like drink water, take meds, meditate and it brings together my organised list loving side with actionable accountablility and positive exercises that the procrastinating, anxious and fearful me needs. This is today’s …
Why Am I using Today To Make Changes?
Erm well it’s 1st January 2017, which does technically make it a New Years Resolution a decision to do or not do something in order to bring change on the first day of the year. But the fact that only 8% of people achieve resolutions for their year ahead I’m reluctant to give it such a label.
If I’m honest it’s happening now, simply because of how it has all been coming together. I have been drawing over the last week (I was told I was rubbish in art lesson and so shyed away, embarrassed by my shitness of something I didn’t think could be judged.) It’s only because this is just for me and I’ve quite enjoyed drawing, colouring and bringing together all I have learnt, I’ve had no concerns of criticism or of it being ‘wrong’.
Happy New Year to You & Yours
So that’s me. It may not all go to plan, or be perfect, it may not always be so filled or colourful, I hope for myself I’m consistent with it, because it does what my main aim is, it helps me feel good and it helps me change for the better.
I’ve shared it here now, created an Instagram page and my partner knows what I’m up to, so I’m kinda hoping all that will keep me accountable and on top of it, we will see as the year goes on.Doing it today felt good and it made me actually do things that I otherwise would have just thought about doing and put off. Here is a snap of our Rainy Day Artwork, me and the boys loved doing this …
Happy New Day, Happy New Year, resolutions or not cheers to changing for the better I hope 2017 is just wonderful for you.